Hey Readers…

If you haven’t read my ‘About’ page, then I should probably introduce myself. My name is Alyssa, I’m 17 years old and I currently live in Australia. My life has been pretty eventful and I have gone through some things that many of you probably haven’t. I’ll start from the beginning.

I was born in Wellington, which is in New Zealand for those of you who didn’t know. I lived there with my Mum, my Dad and my three younger siblings until 2007. That’s when everything started going downhill. We had plans to move to Newcastle in Australia, and a couple of weeks before we were due to move, my parents separated and got a divorce soon after. Dad moved to Australia and took the job he was offered while my Mum took my siblings and I up to Napier to start a new life. I was only 8 years old at the time and I didn’t really know what was going on but I knew that it was bad. I knew that it was going to be a hard next couple of years and I was right. For the next 8 years my parents were fighting in court for custody of me and my siblings. You’d think that after one hearing, everything would be fine and all the issues they had between them would be resolved but they weren’t. They kept on going and going. It was taking a toll on my Mum, on me and on my siblings. One good thing that was coming out of it was that because I was the oldest child, Mum would talk to me about everything that was going on and I was beginning to get a better understanding. From that, I had an incredible relationship with my mother and I was believing everything she would say, including her telling me that I should hate my Dad. And I did. My siblings and I, hated our own father. When we went and saw him for contact, I felt like I had to look out for my siblings as well as myself. I felt like I had to watch their every move and make sure they were safe because if anything happened to them, it would be my fault. No 10 year old should have that stress put upon them but I did and it made me grow up a lot sooner than I should have. I realise that now.

It all began to change again in 2011. Mum got a new boyfriend and before I knew it, he had moved in and I was no longer staying up having late night conversations with Mum, and I started to feel like I couldn’t tell her things. She started spending less and less time with me and my siblings and more time with her new boyfriend. He was extremely controlling in a ‘whatever he says, goes’ sort of way. I hated him. I had very little freedom and I had no say in what went on around the house. If my siblings and I wanted to play a board game, we had to ask. We weren’t allowed food until we were given it and we had a bedtime of 8:30pm so naturally, me being a female teen, started to rebel against them. I started lying and I started talking to Dad in secret because I knew that if Mum found out, she would kill me.

I hated living with Mum and her boyfriend. I knew it was just a matter of time before she pushed me over the edge, and she did. On my 16th birthday. My siblings and I were with Dad for the week for court ordered contact. My Dad had organised with my friends, a surprise party for me. Mum found out about and she was furious because she had told my sister and I that we should not have our friends over when we’re in Dad’s care. She refused to believe that I had no idea that Dad had planned it. She ruined my birthday and after my friends left, I cried myself to sleep. The next day I talked to Dad and I told him that I didn’t want to live with Mum anymore. We decided that I would finish off the year and then I would go over to Australia with my siblings to see him for Christmas like we were meant to and then my siblings would fly home without me. And that’s what happened. I spent the next two months getting ready to say goodbye to my old life. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make.

January to March in 2015 was filled with about 30 missed calls from my mother on a daily basis, horrible emails and a whole lot of regret. My mother was really making it hard for me. She called the three schools that Dad was going to enrol me in and basically told them that it was court ordered that I complete school in New Zealand. I ended up being enrolled in the same school that Dad’s girlfriend’s son goes to. I’ve been there for almost a year and although it’s the complete opposite to the school I went to in New Zealand, I am finally starting to feel like I belong there. I have amazing friends and although they are very different to my friends back in New Zealand, I still love them alot.

The past 13 months have been an emotional rollercoaster and it has been incredibly hard to cope at times. It’s been 7 months since I have talked to my siblings, they hate me. That has been the hardest to deal with and there has been so many times where I’ve been so upset by it that I just wanted to give up. I didn’t and I’m here writing this blog for you. This has been incredibly hard for me to write and I was crying for most of it but now you know my story. I hope you continue reading my blog. I will post as much as I can. Thank you for reading.

Love Alyssa xx

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